


The Family of Evil

by Queenbean3



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Drabble Collection, F/M, Gen, M/M, domestic AU, married au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 00:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11635350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenbean3/pseuds/Queenbean3
Summary: A drabble collection about an odd family AU. Dominator and Hater are married, have a child, and in an open relationship with Peepers.





	1. If you die, I’m going to kill you

“It’s  _my_  planet!” Lord Hater whined, stamping his feet for emphasis. “I saw it first! I planted my flag and everything!”

Lord Dominator put her hands on her hips and poked her tongue out at him. “Tell that to my giant lava sucking drill, bonehead.”

“But it’s  _my_  turn!” Hater insisted, jabbing an accusing finger at her. “We had a deal, Dominator! You get your planets on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only! Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays are  _mine!_ ”

Dominator folded her arms and smirked. “Too bad. I was here first.”

“Graaaaaah!!” Hater roared, flailing his fists at the sky with rage. “ _It’s not fair!_ This is  _my_  day to conquer planets, not  _yours! You’re cheating!”_  Then he whirled around and glared at the tiny eyeball man at his side. “Come on, Peepers! Help me out here! She’s totally cheating!”

Peepers wiped some of Hater’s spittle from his helmet and gave him weary stare. “Yes, sir, I know. But you’re both forgetting one crucial thing.”

Dominator arched an eyebrow at Peepers, confused. “What are you talking about?”

Peepers cleared his throat and straightened himself as tall as he could, which was only up to Dominator’s knee. “By violating our agreement, you hereby forfeit the right to dominate any planets for the next seven days.”

“What??” Dominator cried. “I don’t remember that! That wasn’t in the contract!”

“Yes, it was,” Peepers said calmly, producing said contract and holding up in front of her face. “It’s right there in the fine print. And there’s your signature.“

Hater let out a gloating, triumphant laugh. “ _Ha ha ha!_ Deal with it, Dominator!You just got owned by the Hater Empire!”

“We’ll see about that,” Dominator replied, pink eyes narrowing dangerously. “There’s only one way to settle this.” Her mask slid down over her face and her clothes morphed into a hulking suit of armor.  _“We must battle!!”_  she bellowed in a deep, terrifying, artificially modulated voice.

“ _Yes!”_ Hater growled, fists crackling with green lightning. “Bring it on, you molten menace! I’ll blast you to the next star system!”

Peepers sighed and shook his head. It was always battling with these two. “Sir,” he said to Hater. “Before you start, I have one thing to say; If you die, I’m going to kill you.”

“Relax, Peepers!” Hater replied. “We do this all the time! It’s not like she’s really gonna-”

_**POW** _

Dominator’s giant lava fist connected with Hater’s jaw, sending him flying backward into a wall of rock twenty feet away. Fortunately that wasn’t enough to kill Hater. With an angry scream, he exploded all over with green energy and flew right back into the fight.

With a sigh, Peepers trudged back to the Skullship as bursts of lightning and lava flashed behind him. “What am I gonna do with those two?” he muttered under his breath.


	2. I’m glad you’re mine

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?”

Dominator didn’t answer. She simply glowered darkly at Hater from under a mess of tangled white hair, dark circles under her burning pink eyes, clothes tattered and torn and wispy tendrils of smoke rising from her shoulders. In her arms was their sleeping 3-month-old daughter Malice. She was sucking her thumb and clutching a hideous hairy plush toy that looked a lot like Captain Tim.

Hater cleared his throat and took a step backward. “Heheh… I’ll take that as a no…”

Dominator pushed the sleeping baby at him. “Put her back in her crib,” she ordered. “And don’t talk to me again until I’ve had my damn coffee.”

Hater nodded in silence and obeyed his wife’s command. He knew from experience what a handful Malice could be. She had her mother’s attitude and her father’s powers, and she was still just a baby. One could only imagine the horrors that awaited them in the years ahead.

After putting Malice in her crib and tucking her in, Hater went to the kitchen to check on Dominator. She was sitting at the table gulping down a mug of espresso, still looking as haggard and exhausted as before.

Hater cleared his throat in the doorway.

Dominator let the mug clank down on the table. “Enter,” she moaned sleepily.

He quietly took the chair across from her and placed a hand on the tabletop in front of him. After a few moments she placed her hand on top of his and sighed.

“Why did I let you talk me into having a baby?” she complained. “I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in three months straight.”

“Well, she’s sleeping now,” he said, turning his hand over to wrap his fingers around hers. “You get some rest. I’ll watch her today.”

Dominator arched a skeptical eyebrow. “You sure you can handle her by yourself? She’s an unholy little demon.”

“Yeah, but she’s my unholy little demon,” Hater pointed out. “And so are you. I’m glad you’re mine. Both of you.”

Dominator’s yawn turned into a chuckle. “So cheesy…” she muttered, head drooping lower and lower. Then she was fast asleep, head resting on the kitchen table and her hand in Hater’s.


	3. I want you, and I know you want me too.

Dominator stared blankly at the scene before her. She had just returned to her bedroom from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She was only gone about fifteen minutes, but in that time Hater had managed to cover every surface with rose petals and glowing candles. Saxophone music was playing on the stereo. And as if that weren’t enough, Hater was lying on the bed in only his underwear with a rose in his teeth and a smoldering gaze in his eyes.

For a long moment Dominator stood in the doorway in her bathrobe, holding her coffee mug and staring at Hater in complete bewilderment.

At last she spoke. “Hater, what the heck are you doing?”

Hater tried to answer without dropping the rose in his teeth. All that came out was unintelligible noises and saliva. So he spat the rose out on the blanket and started over.

“Hey, babe,” he said in a husky voice. “Can you guess what day it is today?”

Dominator glanced around at the lit candles decorating her furniture. “Are you planning to set my room on fire?”

Hater chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Oh yeah. You could say that. Wink.” He said this while actually winking.

“Why are you doing that?” Dominator asked, confused. “Are you trying to flirt? Because you’re embarrassing yourself.“

Hater’s face fell, but he quickly recovered and changed positions on the bed. He sat at the edge of the bed with the rose between his fingers, one bony leg crossed over the other.

“Oh, Dee, you’re so forgetful,” he said with a chuckle. “So let’s just cut to the chase. I want you, and I know you want me too.”

Dominator narrowed her eyes at him, her patience wearing thin. “Just spit it out, Hater.”

“Oh, come on!” Hater whined. “Don’t you remember what  _special day_  today is?” He started winking again, as if that would jog her memory. “You know, the  _anniversary_  of a certain  _special event_  in both of our lives?”

At last Dominator understood. “Ohhhh, you mean our wedding anniversary!” she said with a laugh. “Haha! That’s what all this stuff is for? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Hater folded his arms and pouted like a sulky toddler. “I shouldn’t have to say so,” he grumbled. “You should’ve known that already. Nice job, Dee, you totally ruined the moment. It’s not like I spent weeks planning every detail of this evening to make it special or anything.”

Dominator rolled her eyes and joined him on the bed with her coffee. “Don’t be like that, doofus. It’s not too late. We can still have our celebration.”

Hater perked up instantly. “Really? You mean it?”

“Sure,” Dominator said with a smirk. “Right after I finish my coffee.” Then she winked. “Wink.”


	4. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem.

Peepers yawned and stared boredly at the huge plasma screen TV in front of him. The movie playing was a grainy black and white period piece, exactly the kind of boring movie his grandmother would have made him watch with her when he was a child. Unfortunately Peepers’ grandmother had died twenty years ago. The woman he was forced to watch this movie with tonight was none other than Lord Dominator, and she didn’t seem to be enjoying herself any more than he was.

Peepers turned his gaze toward her. Dominator was sitting next to him on the sofa upside down, her long legs draped over the back and her head hanging over the edge of the seat. Her hands were folded on her stomach, clutching the remote control.

“What are you doing?” Peepers asked, confused by her sitting position.

“I thought the rush of blood to my brain would make this snooze fest more interesting,” she replied dully. “But I was wrong. This is the most boring movie I’ve ever seen in my life.”

She switched to a screechy, melodramatic voice, imitating the female lead.

“‘Oh, woe is me! I’m a wealthy aristocrat and I don’t know who to marry!’ Nobody cares, lady! Just pick a guy and get on with your life!”

“Why don’t you just change the channel?” Peepers suggested. “You’ve got the remote right there. Just turn it to something else.”

Dominator whined and kicked her feet up and down. “There’s nothing good on this laaaate,” she whined. “They only play infomercials and lame reality shows.”

Peepers sighed. “So put on a movie you like. You’ve got every single copy of every movie from twelve different galaxies.”

“Already watched them all,” Dominator replied.

Peepers’ already thin patience finally snapped. “Then turn the TV off and go to bed!”

Dominator cast a withering, hot pink, upside down glare at him. “Don’t talk to me like I’m that idiot Hater,” she growled. “I don’t need you to babysit me.”

Peepers folded his arms and huffed, muttering something under his breath that sounded like “You could have fooled me.”

Suddenly there was a gunshot and a scream. Peepers jumped in shock and Dominator rolled onto her stomach and sat upright, pink eyes wide with surprise. Something exciting had finally happened in the movie.

The handsome male lead had just taken a laser blast for the heroine and lay dying in her arms, a pool of blood (actually chocolate syrup) spreading beneath them.

“Frederick!” the teary eyed heroine sobbed. “Please don’t die! I never got the chance to tell you…I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. That’s the problem. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

Peepers and Dominator watched the scene with rapt attention as the dying hero smiled bravely through his pain to say his last words.

“Beatrice…” he murmured weakly. “I will never apologize for saving your life, even if it costs me my own.”

So saying, he shut his eyes and breathed his last breath.

 _“Nooooo!”_  the heroine screamed at the sky. The orchestra swelled in a crescendo of anguish.

Then Dominator’s raucous laughter broke the tragic drama of the scene.

“Haaaaaahahaha!!” she cackled, pointing at the screen and grinning sadistically. “Did you see that, Peepers?? Oh man! The pain! The suffering! The soul-crushing agony! Now  _that’s_  entertainment!”

Peepers stared at her, blinking in bewilderment. “Eheh…” he chuckled uncomfortably. “Well, at least now she doesn’t have to worry about who to marry…”


	5. Why’s there a pregnancy test in the trash?

“Uh, Dominator?” Hater asked.

A grumpy, exhausted Lord Dominator looked up from her cold cereal and glared daggers at him. “What?”

Hater gulped. Then he continued. “Why’s there a pregnancy test in the trash?”

“Why do you think, genius?” Dominator growled. “I’m trying to make sure we don’t have any more kids. Our demonic overlord over there kept me up all night. I only got about a minute of sleep, and I was breastfeeding during that minute.”

She swept her arm to the other side of the table. Peepers was trying to feed mashed peas to their baby, Malice. She was sitting in her high chair and wearing her bib, but she wouldn't eat. Any time he got the spoon close to her she yelled "NO!", zapped him with a jolt of pink lightning, and giggled impishly.

“I have to agree with Dominator on this, sir,” Peepers groaned, looking charred and smoky and covered in blobs of mashed peas. “One kid is more than enough.”

“Aww, come on, you guys!” Hater whined. “We can’t stop now! We don’t have any boys yet!”

“NO.” Peepers and Dominator snapped in unison.


	6. She’s 6, how can she scare you?

_“Aaaaaaaa!!”_  Lord Hater screamed, running down the hall with his hood on fire. He turned a corner, crashed into someone tall and green, and they both collapsed to the floor. A yellow-gloved fist connected with his jaw and knocked him flat on his back.

“Watch where you’re going, bonehead!” Lord Dominator growled, pushing herself upright. “What are you screaming about this time?”

“It’s Malice!” Hater cried, crawling on his hands and knees to cower behind Dominator. “You’ve gotta do something, Dee! She’s scaring me!”

“Oh, for grop’s sake,” Dominator groaned with a roll of her eyes. “She’s six. How can she scare you?”

A blast of pink lightning exploded through the wall. When the smoke cleared a green-skinned child with white hair and short yellow lightning bolt horns became visible. She was levitating six feet above the floor and crackling all over with sparks of pink energy, eyes flashing with the same color.

 _“Ah ha ha haaa!!”_  she cackled in her high-pitched, little girl voice.  _“Run, puny worms! I am Lord Malice the Mighty! Crusher of hopes and dreams! Destroyer of worlds! Bring me cookies and ice cream, or face my electric wrath!!”_

“Oh,” Dominator said, eyes wide with surprise. “That’s how.”

“I tried to stop her,” Hater whimpered from behind her. “But she won’t listen to me. Please, Dee, you gotta do something!”

Dominator sighed and got to her feet. “Fine, fine, just quit being such a baby.”

Her clothes morphed into a hulking suit of lava armor. She stepped through the crumbling hole in the wall with her mighty fists planted hands on her hips, powerful and intimidating.

 _“Malice Acrimony Hater-Dominator!”_  she bellowed in her helmet’s deep, distorted voice.  _“Stop blowing up my ship and come down here this instant!”_

Malice paused in her evil childish gloating and looked at her heavily armored mother with wide, surprised eyes. Her nimbus of pink electric energy dissipated and she landed on the floor with a very sheepish grin on her face. 

“Hi, mommy!” she said, smiling sweetly and batting her eyes. “You’re home early!”

 _“Don’t you ‘hi, mommy’ me, young lady,”_  Dominator said sternly.  _“You know the rules. No blowing up my ship, and no blowing up daddy. That’s **my**  job. Now apologize.”_

Malice looked down at her sneakers and nodded guiltily. “Yes, mommy. I’m sorry I tried to blow up the ship and I’m sorry I tried to blow you up, daddy.”

Hater poked his head out from behind Dominator, watching their daughter for any sign of danger. At the sight of Malice’s adorable guilty face he completely forgot why he was scared of her.

“Awwww,” he gushed, approaching her with open arms. “I can’t stay mad at you, my little monster! You were awesome!”

Malice looked up at him hopefully. “Really?”

“Totally,” Hater said proudly. “At this rate, you’re gonna grow up to be an amazing planetary conqueror just like your old man. Now come give dada a hug!”

With a grin, Malice ran and jumped to throw her arms around Hater’s neck, tackling him to the ground. As they both laughed, Dominator’s suit shrank down to normal and she watched them with a smirk on her lips.

“You two are such dorks,” she remarked.

“That’s why you love us, right?” Hater said with a grin.

Dominator scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”


	7. Are you drunk?

In all the time Lord Hater had known Lord Dominator, he had never once seen her cry. She didn’t cry at their wedding, or even on the day their first child was born. And yet here she was lying face down on the kitchen floor, sobbing in a pool of her own tears with an empty bottles of wine in one hand and a broken wine glass in the other.

But Hater wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box, and didn’t realize what was going on at first. “Uhh, Dee? Are you gonna be there long? I was gonna make a sandwich and you’re kinda blocking the fridge…”

Dominator didn’t move. Her muffled voice was a depressed, slurred monotone. “Leave me alone… My life is a bottomless pit of eternal suffering… I wish a black hole would swallow me up and end my pain forever…”

Hater frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

She sighed and lifted her head to frown blearily at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and her makeup was running down her cheeks like rivers of black tar. “My mom called,” she said flatly. “And she did what she always does; pick at every single one of my insecurities until I crack.”

Suddenly Hater understood everything. Dominator’s mother was Big Momma, the most notorious intergalactic crime lord in the known universe. She wasn’t a planetary conqueror, but in some ways she was more powerful than that. Although she was a tiny woman who wore pastel dress suits and pearl necklaces, she was terrifying. She carried blasters in her purse, smoked too many cigarettes, and had legions of criminals under her thumb in every galaxy. And she considered her only daughter a huge disappointment, a fact she was sure to remind her of at least once every month.

Then Hater noticed the empty wine bottle in Dominator’s hand. “Are you drunk?”

Dominator dropped her drippy, tear-stained face back down on the floor. “I wanted to drown my feelings in booze,” she grumbled. “It didn’t work.”

Hater sat down on the floor in front of her and patted her head gently, hoping to comfort her somewhat. “Do you wanna, like… talk about it or something?”

She was silent for a long moment. “Put my head in your lap,” she said at last.

“Huh?”

“Just do it.”

He obeyed and clumsily lifted her head into his bony lap. “Now what?”

“Pet my hair,” she ordered.

“Like I do with Captain Tim?”

“Sure, whatever. Just comfort me, you dork.”


	8. I had a dream about you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set in an AU storyline that I had a bigger plot for but never finished.

“Hey, Hater.”

“Yeah?”

“When’s the last time we went on a date?”

“Uhhhh… It was before your mom stranded us in this dimension without our powers. And trapped us with _him_.”

Hater jerked his thumb sharply at the furry orange creature behind him. Wander was humming a cheery little tune to himself as he picked berries from a bush.

“Hey, Hater!” he called out. “I found some berries that won’t make yer tongue swell up! Now you can eat without suffocating!”

Hater clenched his shaking fists at his sides and growled. “I hate him. So. Much.”

Dominator nodded in agreement. “Believe me, I wanna destroy the little freak as much as you do. But we need him. Especially with my arm all jacked up like this.” Her left arm was still in a sling from their close encounter with a giant meat-eating flower beast.

“What do we need Wander for?” Hater complained. “All he does is walk around being weird and saying ‘Wow! That’s amazing!’”

“He’s got wilderness survival skills,“ Dominator replied flatly. "He’s the only one here who can find non-poisonous food, remember? If we want to survive here we need the little fuzzball alive.”

Hater bristled and stood up straight, propping his fists on his hips. “Oh yeah? I’ll prove we don’t need Wander! I’m gonna find food myself! And it’ll be way better than whatever junk he has!”

Dominator scoffed. “If you can do that, I’ll be impressed.”

So Hater stormed off into the forest to search for food. Hours passed and he didn’t return to the campsite. Wander was worried for him, and Dominator grew curious about what might have happened to him.

The sun was starting to set when they found Hater in a clearing. He was lying on his back and giggling like an idiot, pupils dilated and tongue hanging from his mouth. There was a half-eaten pile of fruit on the ground beside him.

"Uh oh,” Wander said, examining the fruit. “This isn’t good. He’s eaten a whole bunch of stuff that’s bad for the brain. I haven’t seen Hater this loopy since he got zapped in the face by an electric squid.”

“I like snow,” Hater giggled, making snow angels on the grassy forest floor.

“Great,” Dominator grumbled, rubbing her forehead with her one good hand. “Just what we need. How long until he’s back to normal?”

Wander shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. With all this stuff he’s ingested, it could be days before it all wears off. If it doesn’t kill him first.”

“I’m not gonna wait that long.” Dominator gave Hater a sharp kick in the ribs. “Hey, doofus! Snap out of it! This is where you impress me, right?”

Hater sat up suddenly and squinted at Dominator through his foggy vision. “I had a dream about you…” he said pointing an unsteady finger at her. “You had bunny ears… an’ we were doin’ cartwheels on the moon with my best friend Sunshine Banjoface…” His head swiveled the other way toward Wander. “Oh, look! There he is!”

Dominator groaned louder. “I hope it kills him.”


End file.
